National Grief Awareness Day

 

I haven't written in a few weeks, as life has been busy spending time with my grandchildren and going camping in our new (to us) trailer. Even in all the busyness, I feel stuck. 

I still wake up in the morning with no joy. I can't seem to escape it. As my day unfolds, I experience moments of pleasure with my family, grandchildren, and kitty cats, but the underlying grey mood persists. I have a hard time motivating myself to do housework or simply get out of the house. I do go for walks with Michael, so that is good for both of us, but there is still a missing piece.

I even had a hard time designing a post for my social media, something I used to love doing when I was managing our church's social media. I love the creative license I had, but that joy is also gone. I had been asked about managing an organization's Facebook and Instagram accounts, and truthfully, I can't keep up. 

My faith life is also lacking from where I used to be. I don't doubt the goodness of God or that Christ is with me, but something is missing. 

I know what the "something" is, and I'm not sure how to deal with it truthfully. It is grief. I know, it's almost been a year and a half. Some would say I need to "Get over it," "Move on," "Stop talking about it and analyzing grief." 

I am functioning for the most part. I have joy, but I also have tears. It can sneak up on me, and it seems to come out of nowhere. They call this "grief waves." Whatever it is, it hits, and it hurts. 

Sometimes I think, "How can you help people when you're still a mess?' Those thoughts are often there, but I have to move forward, where I believe God is directing me. 

This post is a jumble of bits and pieces, but truthfully, that's how my life looks at the moment. 

Today is National Grief Awareness Day, and as a grief educator and aspiring grief coach, it is my duty to acknowledge the day. We live in a grief-illiterate society, so the more information we can share, the better. 

🌿 National Grief Awareness Day 🌿

Today serves as a poignant reminder that grief touches every life. It has no timeline, no neat stages, and no finish line. Grief doesn’t ask us to “get over it.” What it really needs is to be witnessed—for others to walk alongside, listen, and remember with us.

If you know someone who is grieving, here are 5 ways to truly help:

1️⃣ Listen without trying to fix. Sometimes the greatest gift is presence, not words.
2️⃣ Say their loved one’s name. Speak their name and share memories. It reassures the grieving heart that their person is not forgotten.
3️⃣ Offer specific help. “I’ll bring dinner Thursday” is far more supportive than “let me know if you need anything.”
4️⃣ Keep showing up. Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. It lingers through birthdays, anniversaries, and quiet Tuesdays months or years later.
5️⃣ Respect their process. Everyone grieves differently. Honour their unique way of carrying love and loss.

💜 On this National Grief Awareness Day, let’s remember: grief is love with nowhere to go. By acknowledging it, we help lighten the burden for those carrying it.

Note: the butterfly in the picture is a type of Swallowtail, called a "Mourning Cloak." He was in our garden today, so I thought it was pretty appropriate to commemorate this day.

Wilderness

I messaged an acquaintance one day last year while Jessica was in the last days of her cancer journey. This woman had also lost a daughter to cancer a few years earlier. I wanted to connect with someone who understood what I was going through as I stood beside my firstborn child, feeling helpless. This woman is also a Christian, so connecting with her on that level was also important to me. What she said to me at that time was not necessarily what I needed to hear/see.  

In our brief conversation, she said, "God would not have given us this journey if he weren't beside us."

Given?! What do you mean God gave me this journey?! How was that helpful to me? Why would He have given me this journey? Why would He have given Jess this journey? This didn't make sense to me. This didn't make me feel any better!

In hearing the first part of this sentence, I somehow ignored the last part of her statement to me, "...if He weren't beside us." He is beside me/us. I didn't hear that part of the sentence, because I was reeling from the first part. 

Who was responsible for this journey? It wasn't me. It wasn't Jess, so who is responsible? Did God "cause it?" That's what I read into the sentence. If He chose this journey for me, I assumed that He must have caused it, which I did not believe. 

What I did believe was that He could have stopped it. That was and in many ways remains my struggle to this day. 

However, I am reminded of when Jesus was tempted in the wilderness. The enemy said to Him in Matthew 4:5-7 NIV: 

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written:

"'He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'"

Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"

Jesus could have commanded the angels to save Him. 

Jesus had that power Himself! He was and is the Son of God. 

But He didn't.

God didn't. 

I can easily say that God chose Jesus, and His testing in the wilderness was part of that journey. 

Sin brought Jesus to the cross. 

Sin in the world is responsible for diseases like the one that took Jess from this world. 

God knew it would happen. 

But God was with Jesus.

God was with Jessica.

God was and still is beside me. That much I do know. 

It's safe to say I'm still wrestling with this, I'm still in a bit of my own wilderness. However, I do know God is right there beside me and He is patient with me. 

Photo courtesy of Freepik

Doubting Thomas

 

I shared in a previous post about the story of Thomas in the series, The Chosen. I really like how his storyline was developed to show how Thomas could have been a doubter when told about the newly risen Christ. Of course, we haven't come to that part of the story in season 5. 

I found another scene in The Chosen involving Thomas that spoke to me again. The title of season 5 is The Last Supper. Each episode opens with the Last Supper scene. When Jesus was sharing that one of them would be the betrayer, you see suspicion and confusion in the eyes of His disciples. They look at each other, wondering which one of them is the one who will betray their Rabbi. 

Some of them, like Thomas, ask, "Is it me, Rabbi?" Thomas said to Jesus that he was worried because he had been so angry and resentful (my words, not his direct words) that he might be the one who betrays him. Jesus answers him, "You are faithful, in spite of it all." You can see Thomas breathe a sigh of relief. 

It made me think of my own journey with losing Jess. My prayers, my hopes, and my fears were brought to the feet of Christ continually while she was sick and suffering. I constantly prayed for healing. Healing seemed to be happening for a while, as we witnessed her improvement at home, but then things changed. 

After she died, I was in deep sorrow, and while I have shared that I was angry with God, I still knew God was ultimately good. I did and continue to believe that truth, and it is literally the only reason I am still walking forward today. I am hopeful that I sensed correctly that the words Jesus spoke to Thomas in the show are also somehow for me: "You are faithful, in spite of it all."

I know why others who have experienced a loss like I did walk away from God. They struggle to accept that their prayer wasn't answered as they'd hoped. The pain is so intense when losing your child, because a part of you has been ripped away from your soul. You have the choice to walk away or come closer than ever before. Resting in Him when nothing else makes sense. 

Maybe, in my case, others have thought, "Where is your God now?" But if they said it directly to me, I would say, "He is right here beside me, where He has been this entire time." 

God feels our pain. He has experienced the pain of the death of a child when Jesus died on that cross. His Son was given to us as a sacrifice, so that we can live forever. Life on Earth is temporary, and it is short. I'm realizing that more and more each day. Living in Eternity is literally forever. 

I still have moments, hours, and days where I struggle. I'm trying to make sense of where life is for my family. It's not where I ever imagined it would be. It's hard, but I hope I can continue to remain faithful in my life, in spite of it all. 

"Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life." James 1:12 The Message